Heart of Metal
by KarisunaHime
Summary: Remember to write was what she told him as he left for his journey. Had he written at all or had he turn his heart into metal, trying to forget what he left behind? Follow the trail of a broken girl's tears and discover what he had left behind for her...
1. Parting of the Ways

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist…If I do, Edo would sooooooooo be mine!

Heart of Metal

Prologue

Parting of the Ways

"_Al! Run!"_

"_No, Brother! I can't leave you!"_

"_No, Al…listen, I can't even stand up, all right?"_

"_Then I'll carry you!"_

"_You're half banged-up yourself, please, run…"_

"_I can't even if I want to, Brother…"_

"_No, or I'll push you! I'll die here if it means getting rid of this bastard…"_

"_Shut up, Brother! You have people waiting for you!"_

"_Yeah, tell Winry…well, you know what I wanna say, right?"_

"_Then tell her yourself!"_

"_No, goodbye, Al, I'm sorry…I'm sorry that I can't keep my promise to you…"_

"_Brother! BROTHER!"_

-

Headline News 

Last night, a serious upheaval in the region of Ishbal had resulted in many casualties and countless injuries. However, though tragic, it did stop the military's advancement upon Ishbal. We do not know how long this will last until the military changes its mind but for now, we heard words from the Fuhrer, ordering retreat back to their base. The mystery behind the incident is not cleared up from its fog but one name did make itself clear, the Cobalt Alchemist. Nobody knows yet of what his intention or goals were before he lost his life in the incident. Many guessed he was the one who started everything by "picking a fight" with one of the well-known and most skilled alchemists. Sadly, this alchemist that he challenged on also lost his life. Further investigations dug out to the light a grieving brother who would not stop crying for his brother. With further confirmations, Colonel Mustang, who appeared at the scene soon after, gave the shocking verification that the unlucky alchemist was indeed the one that we all heard of and even admired, the one many of us called "friend of the people" instead of "dog of the military": Edward Elric.

May your soul be at peace at last.

Further investigations on this Cobalt Alchemist are still being made.


	2. Grieving Heart

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist…If I do, Edo would sooooooooo be mine!

Heart of Metal

Chapter 1

Grieving Heart

"Hey, Winry…"

In truth, Winry Rockbell never expected the Elric brothers to return during this time. Though living far from the city, she sometimes heard words of the dangers faraway. She also knew vaguely of what the brothers had been involved in and she could only imagine the danger and pray for them to return safe. And, as involved as they were, they should not be home yet, especially after their goodbye not too long ago. More strangely, Al was alone. At first, she thought Ed was trailing behind, afraid to look at her. But as Al towered over her and she searched high and low, front and back of him and found nothing, she began to look at him questioningly.

"Ed…?" she asked quietly, her mind already fearing the answer, "Is Ed here?"

"That's what I'm here to tell you, Winry," Al said, his head lowered. The armor clinked lightly in response to the timid movement.

"Please tell me he's OK!" Winry shouted suddenly despite herself, reaching out to touch the cold hand of the armored body.

"Winry…" Al said softly, his voice strained as if he was crying within himself, "B-Brother is not here."

"Why not?" Winry forced a smile, brushing a stray blond strand out of her eyes, "I-Is he coming?"

Winry took two steps back and put a hand on the table in which she laid all her automail equipments, hammers, and screws.

"I-I've been preparing and working on something new for him," she said, adjusting her bandana nervously, "Please tell me he's coming…"

"There's been an incident," Al said quietly and quickly, as if wanting the pain to pass by fast, "And I'm afraid…"

"No!" Winry shook her head.

"…I'm afraid Brother didn't make it," Al finished.

"NO!" Winry balled her hands at her side and ran over to the window, "No, it can't be! It's impossible!"

"Winry! What's going on?"

Al turned towards the door that led to the stairway in the house and his eyes laid on a short, old woman who was looking sternly at him. Through her glasses, her gentle eyes now seemed to be asking what he had done to make her cry. Al almost wanted to laugh nervously like always, but this time, there was nothing to even smile about.

"Granny Pinako…" Al began.

"What's wrong, Al?" the old woman, Pinako, asked, "Had Ed made her cry again? That little pipsqueak…"

"Brother wouldn't like that," Al laughed forcefully, "Even if he's not here…"

"Eh, he's not here?" Pinako asked, "How so? He became a stranger to us now and sent only you to visit instead?"

"No, Brother is…" Al began.

"Ed is gone!" Winry cried, "He's gone, Grandma Pinako!"

Winry wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling colder despite the sun hitting at her through the window. Or perhaps it was just because she had had the top of her mechanic suit down and tied around her waist like always, leaving nothing above except her black tube top.

"Gone?" Pinako asked, turning to Al, "Alphonse, what is the meaning of this?"

"Brother is dead, Granny Pinako," Al said bluntly, though still trying to deliver the meaning of the words as gently as possible.

Silence draped over them like the evening sky fell over a stretch of land. For a long and painful second, nobody said anything. Pinako muttered something under her breath and turned around to head down the basement. The last Al saw of her before she disappeared down the steps was her unusual, stiff ponytail on top of her purple hair.

_Always thought this would happen one day…_

"Was that what Granny had said?" Al questioned himself, then looked over to Winry, whose fists were still shaking at her side in anger and grief.

"I'm sorry, Al," Winry said, her voice breaking, "I have to say that now, I'm sorry…for your loss…"

"No, it's not only my loss," Al shook his head, "It's as much as yours, Winry…I know…"

"You know what?" Winry smiled forcefully and wiped her tears.

"I'm not just here to deliver the tragic news," Al said timidly, reaching inside his armor and produced a stack of envelopes, "I…I have other things to deliver as well…"

"W-What are those?" Winry approached him, though in her mind, she already had a vague idea.

Without a word, Al handed the stack to Winry gently. Winry also did not know what to say as she accepted the enveloped clumsily, spilling some on the table of automail supplies right next to her. Wiping a tear off her cheek again, she quickly glanced over the letters written on the envelopes. Through the blurred sight behind the curtain of tears on her eyelashes, all the words written on each and every one of those envelopes look the same. Could they be…?

"They're all…" she began, picking one up, "They're all addressed to…"

Winry Rockbell

"I know you probably think Brother never wrote," Al said sadly, his voice just above a whisper, "But it's more like he never gathered the courage to send them. He wrote…almost every night, Winry. And I…I don't think I should explain why. I think you and I…and him, I think we all know why."

"I…I know," Winry's tears reached the point of uncontrollable as she clutched a letter to her chest and looked away, "I know…"

"Keep the letters, Winry," Al said unnecessarily, "I think Brother would want you to see them someday. It's pointless…to keep them in his suitcase now…"

With that, Al turned around looked ready to leave.

"Wait, Al!" Winry called.

"What is it?" he turned back slightly.

Winry bit her lower lip, deciding between asking him to join her for dinner, and perhaps fill her in more on Edward's death. But she also wanted tonight to herself. She wanted to sit in her tears and go through all these letters that were, perhaps, written with love for her.

"T-Thanks…" she said at last.

Al said nothing, except offering a nod. Then a second later, he was out the door and her mind was still too stuck in its mass of confusion to ask him where he would go.

-

-

AN: So…how was that?

I came up with this story just by my strong stand for Winry and Ed. I mean, just look at them, they're so cute yet their pride are both so strong to actually admit anything to each other. But just look at his cute blush everytime she does something for him or compliments him. Anyways, he never wrote, but I bet if he had more time, he would (so this is my idea on what would happen if he does). But then again, it was never him to look back at what he left behind.

And that's where us fans come in, of course!


	3. Stained Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist…If I do, Edo would sooooooooo be mine!

Heart of Metal

Chapter 2

The Letters Stained with Tears

Winry sat down at her desk as the moon began to rise. Yawning tiredly, she began to gather all the envelopes all together and within her reach. Once again, she fought the urge to cry as her fingers traced over the letters that spelled out her name on each of the envelopes. With shaking hands, she began to open one, the one that seemed to be dated the farthest.

_Hey, Winry,_

_I have just passed the State Alchemist exam. I really wish I could see you right now to brag to you about it. How do you like that now? See, I told you I can do it. A lot of people said that it would be really hard. But for me, it was too easy. The exam judges were surprised to see what a great alchemist I am. Well I could easily guess the outcome, so it wasn't surprising for me, since you know that too, don't you? Well, it's night now and a little girl, Nina, is bothering me so I guess I should stop now and go talk to her. Good night, Winry. Don't worry, I won't break your automail on purpose._

_Edward Elric_

_A State Alchemist now, how do you like me now?_

Winry could not help but a forced a dry chuckle. This must be his first letter ever to her. And he did mention the girl Nina. Vaguely, she remembered something that Al told her long ago, about his brother's guilt for not being able to save a little girl. Sadly, Winry wiped her cheek and picked up another envelope and tore it open gently.

_Hey, Winry,_

_Wow, my third letter to you already…I can't believe I'm having enough time to do as you asked. But what's the point…since I haven't sent my first one yet. But still, it makes me feel better somewhat, to be able to think like I can talk to you. I mean, I can talk to Al but…I don't feel right pouring my burdens on him since he already suffered so much because of me already. This world is full of confusion that maybe I can never understand because in everyone's eyes, I'm still a child. Just recently, I've met a woman who called herself Phantom Thief. I guess I kind of understand why she must do evil. I guess us humans will always be the same. We would always commit all these wrongdoings and sometimes would comfort ourselves by the thought that it was right, it was necessary. I wonder if that justifies my sin three years ago…Oh, well, I must go now. I'm sorry for worrying you, but I'm OK. I'm kinda happy, in fact, because I've received words on the Philosopher's Stone in a town called Xenotime. Me and Al are on our way right now (excuse the sloppy writing on the train). As soon as I get my hands on the stone, I will restore Al first thing first. I can always count on you to wait for us, right?_

_Edward Elric_

"Silly Ed," Winry whispered, "Your brother's important, but don't you think about yourself, too?"

Winry sighed, putting down the letter and smiling bitterly. Silently, she wondered if that was his third letter, then what could he have written in his second one? Slowly, she picked up another one.

_Hey, Winry,_

_The Philosopher's Stone turned out to be a fake. I guess that was all for nothing. But I won't give up, not with Al by my side. I hope you haven't given up on us, either, Winry. Oh, well, I've just heard words a doctor that might be able to help me, a doctor named Marcoh. I've tried to pump that bastard Roy for some information but he won't tell, so I had to go one on one with him in a match. If I win, he'd have to provide me some information on Marcoh, and keep a cat. Yeah, a cat, I guess Al haven't changed his soft heart. It turned out, actually, that neither of us won. But still, Mustang gave me some info on Marcoh anyways. I'm going to consult this doctor and find a way to restore Al, I promise. Please wait for us still, we won't be long._

_Edward Elric_

"Doctor Marcoh," Winry said softly. The name triggered her memory, but she could not find anything relevant in the mass of pain in her mind.

Gently, she set the letter down and picked up another one.

_Hey, Winry,_

_My second letter to you already. I guess I'm only writing this 'cuz I'm scared to death, out here by myself on this cold porch. I know I sound like a child now but…I was about to die in there, Winry. I was about to die at Barry the Chopper's hands. All I could think about were you and Al, and how you would all get so mad and disappointed at me. I still hadn't repaid for my sin to Al and hadn't fulfilled the promise of coming back to you. I had to reassure myself that this wasn't the end, but still…when Al came to save me, I was so scared I struck him at the chest plate. You saw me, right? It scared me to think what would happen if Al wasn't the armor…But Winry, I know I sound enthusiastic about being a dog of the military before, but now, I'm not so sure. Did I…make the right choice? The people shunned and hated me and kicked me out to the porch. And now…all I could do is sit here and…Wait, I'm sorry, I don't mean to worry you with my problem. But I guess…if anything can lead to the hope of saving Al, I can be assured that it is the right choice. Even if I'm a dog of the military, you'll still wait for me, right, Winry?_

_Edward Elric_

"I'll wait forever no matter what, you silly Alchemist," Winry said through tears.

Setting down the letter, she ran a hand across her cheeks again, feeling the wetness sting across her palm. Lowering her head, she began to wonder if she should read on. On the inside, she had always known the brothers' journey was going to rough and difficult, but she had never imagined it in details like this. And she never knew anyways, since Ed never called her or told her about anything that he had to endure that suffer through. But now…reading these letters, it felt like she was reading off the depth of his tortured mind.

Fingers trembling, she picked up another envelope and tore it open more forcefully.

_Hey, Winry,_

_Winry, I'm sorry, but we're coming back to you. Wait, it's not what you think. I did meet with Dr. Marcoh, I did have a lead, but nothing had been solved. So that's not the reason I've decided to come back. The truth is…me and Al have busted ourselves real bad and are in need of your and Granny Pinako's handywork right now. I'm sorry to disappoint you. But our journey is just gonna be a little longer, please be patient._

_Winry…I do have something to tell you. Dr. Marcoh told me something about the Ishbal Rebellion. During the massacre, there was a pair of…Never mind, forget I said that. Just be waiting for us, OK? I'll be there real soon to wait for a wrench on my head._

_Edward Elric_

"So he failed," Winry said, folding the letter again, "I wonder what he wanted to tell me about the pair of…?"

Winry sighed, and suppressed the thought since her heart already had a vague idea of what it was. Brushing it aside, she randomly chose another letter.

_Hey, Winry,_

_I wanted to call you, but I guess I'll write first to get my thoughts down so I will know what to say better. So you won't yell at me for my clumsy words over the phone, I guess. I hate making you mad, Winry. I know you put your heart and soul into automail and I hate it when you have to see me break it so carelessly every time. But believe me, I always try my best. So yeah, me and Al have gotten ourselves into some trouble again. Not to worry, please, it's not too serious. But it's just…my automail just stopped functioning and…I'm kinda bedridden right now. I'm really disappointed. I was one baby step away from the truth to bring Al back the happiness he deserved…but I couldn't…I wasn't able to do it._

_Anyways, could you come to Central, please? Just don't lecture me too hard._

_Edward Elric_

"Bedridden, eh?" Winry smiled humorlessly, "Oh, it's that time when he got hurt because of my careless mistake…"

Crying silently again, she dearly wished she could turn back time so she could have done a better job on his maintenance. If she had, he would not have to get hurt so bad. Shaking her head, she chose another letter.

_Hey, Winry,_

_You've left us for about two days now and we're still here, working hard to obtain the secret of Ishbal. I guess I'm glad that you've left because things are going really crazy these days. The military is here, armed to the teeth, and I'm afraid another Ishbal Massacre will occur. Al made an interesting friend named Marta. She's a chimera, an advanced one. But to me, it doesn't matter. She's still human like the rest of us. I heard Scar is planning something in Lior, and I'm going to find out what. As if we don't have enough to cope with, there's also a new Alchemist among our midst, the Cobal Alchemistt. He's an idiot who seemed to be in alliance with the Ishbalians, by the way, saying that he will protect them from the military. I don't understand, though, because Alchemy is the Ishbalians' hated taboo. Why would someone with Alchemy want to protect the Ishbalians? Or maybe this person has a good reason or he just has a good heart? Humans are so hard to understand, Winry._

_Edward Elric_

"The Cobalt Alchemist?" Winry whispered, her eyes written with fear, "Could he have something to do with Ed's death?"

Putting the letter down, she began to slowly realize with numbness in her heart that she never really know the cause of Ed's death. When Al broke the news, both of them were in an equal state of shock to be able to sit down and talk about it, so therefore, she did not have her chance to ask Al to tell her the whole story. But then again, Al might not want to talk about it yet as the death was still a new flesh wound in his soul.

Silently, she chose another letter. However, her hand was shaking real bad this time because the writing on the envelope looked too red and crusted to be real ink. With quivering fingers, she opened it up. Just as she suspected, the letter inside was written with the same dark, red substance. And unlike the other letters, this one was written so sloppily that she almost couldn't read it.

_Hey, Winry,_

_First thing first, I'm sorry if this letter scares you…yeah, like I'd ever send it. But anyways, I don't wanna worry you but since you know what this ink I'm writing with is already, might as well let you know before you put two and two together. Yeah, I'm kinda hurt, and where we are right now, there's not enough bandages to spare for me. I've used my own clothes to try to stop the bleeding but it's not enough, still. This place does not have any pen or paper, either. Paper I can transmute from some wooden pillars around but to make a pen out of nothing…I don't know about that. Where am I, you wonder? You probably already know 'cuz of my previous letter. Yeah, in the city Lior. I'm here to investigate on what Scar is planning, and also, I'm hoping to stop the military advances in Lior. I have a pretty good idea of what Scar is planning and I'm not going to let anybody be the ingredients to some greedy plan. Good thing, though, the Ishbalians, including Rose, already escaped through the secret route. Oh, did I mention Rose? Sorry, I guess I don't talk about her much. Honestly, there's not much to say, not be rude to her or anybody, but it's been so long since we last saw each other, I'm not sure we're both the same people anymore. I guess she did mean a lot to me, but now I was willing to let her go. I told her that I wouldn't play the part of a hero so she shouldn't depend on me to protect her. At this point, I guess I was willing to let anything go. I've become blind with anger and frustration at my helplessness._

_You probably are wondering why I'm hurt right now. Well, I was helping the Ishbalians escape and just as my rotten luck would have it, Cobalt boy saw me and knew I was one of the dogs. And of course, without listening to reasons, he charged and we fought. I didn't wanna do anything rash 'cuz there were people nearby, I don't wanna hurt anybody by accident. Cobalt boy was all out, and he didn't care what he hit. It was Rose that had to jump in and save me. It's funny how Cobalt boy listened to her. He left me, with a cut on my left side that almost pierced to the other side. Oh, sorry, didn't mean to be so detailed. But I'll be OK, don't worry. He said if I still lingered here then by next day, I'd be dead. I don't care, I have to stay here and make sure the military don't advance further._

_I want to be honest with you, Winry (and let's hope it's not the last). Your parents were killed in the Ishbal Massacre, and because of that, I refuse to let another massacre take place, not if I can help it. I'm taking shelter at a nearby house right now. I heard the military will advance into the city later tonight so I'm getting myself ready now. Al is coming along with them to see me, I just know it. I told him to stay still back at base but I guess his concern will force him to march over here and lecture me like he was older. Anyways, I better go. I'm hearing orders and commands shouting at each other outside._

_Wish me luck, Winry, and let's hope I can write another letter to you. If I don't…tell Al…What am I saying? Forget it, I'll be back to write another one, OK? In the meantime, treasure this, it's my blood, you know._

_Don't worry, I'll always return, 'cuz you'll always be waiting, right?_

_Edward Elric_

"Oh…Ed…" the letter slipped from Winry's trembling fingers as she broke down completely. Burying her face in the stack of letters, she cried until her tears stained the ink and dampened the papers.

The moon in the sky shone through the window, and night rolled by as if the world was oblivious to everything.

"Ed…" she whispered into her trembling arms, "Ed…rest in peace…maybe you've really…found peace at last…"


	4. Where Will You Go?

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist…If I do, Edo would sooooooooo be mine!

Heart of Metal

Chapter 3

Where Will You Go?

Gentle rays of sunlight hit through the opened window, waking up the girl who was deep in a troubled sleep. Raising her head up from the table, she stretched slightly and leaned back in her chair. Groaning, she put a hand on the small of her back, trying to even out the aching radiating within her spine. In front of her, the pile of letters was still scattered, some torn opened to the light, some still sealed shut like a forbidden secret. Last night, she was only able to go through so much of them before she cried herself to sleep.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Usually, it wouldn't have startled her so bad. But the morning air was tranquil, calm, and on top of that, it still carried a fragment of the leftover heartache from last night. Almost falling off her chair, Winry stumbled over to the phone.

"Hello," she said, her voice hoarse and raspy, "Rockbell Automail."

"Winry?" a soft, gently voice spoke at the other line, "It's me."

"A-Al?" Winry asked, surprised without knowing why. Perhaps she had not expected him to call so soon, perhaps she had expected him to spend more time grieving over his brother's death.

"Yes, it's me," Al answered, "Winry, listen…"

"Al," she interrupted him, "Where will you go?"

"Huh?" he asked.

"I mean…" she began, "Now what will you do, you know? Where will you go?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Winry," he said, "I'm going to continue the journey that me and Brother started. I'm going to pick up the fragments he left behind for me."

"N-No, Al," she almost shouted into the phone, "You can't. It's too dangerous. You know, you can come live with us. We've always loved you and we would accept you no matter what. You don't have to restore yourself."

She knew she was speaking quick and forceful, but with the state of pain and panic that she was in, it was least likely that she would have spoken in any different way.

"But, Winry…" he protested.

"No, Al," she said, "I can't bear losing you, too."

"I know that, Winry," he replied sadly, "I know."

"It'll be more dangerous by yourself, too," she reasoned, "When you both were together, I had faith that you will always look out for each other. But Al, now you're gonna have to do this by yourself, are you sure?"

"I've made up my mind, Winry," he said firmly, "I'm going to find the truth out there. I'm not going to let all that effort that me and Brother worked for go to waste. It'd all be for nothing if I give up now."

"Al," she began, "Why do I have the feeling that you…?"

"Have another ambition in mind?" he laughed dryly, "Can't hide anything from you, can't I?"

"Not when you two were little kids," she smiled slightly, "And not even now."

"Yes, I do," he admitted honestly, "I wanted to search for a way to…"

There was a long pause.

"…bring Brother back," he continued.

"What!" Winry nearly dropped the phone.

"Let's not discuss on this," Al said dismissively, "You won't be able to change my mind, Winry."

"I-I know," she said feebly.

"Sorry, Winry," he said, "For all that we've done. And thank you, too, for everything. Say goodbye to Granny Pinako for me."

"W-Why?" she asked, "Won't you return?"

"I'm not sure," he said quietly, "And I don't want to. I don't want to return until I'm reunited with Brother again."

"Ed…" she began, "Ed died protecting you and everyone, didn't he?"

"H-How did you know?"

There was a humorless chuckle.

"It just sounds like something he would do," Winry replied.

"Yeah," Al said quietly, "He was able to take out the Cobalt Alchemist and stopped the military invasion into Lior. He stumbled out, barely conscious, after the defeat of the Cobalt Alchemist, warning the military at the front lines to stop advancing further. He told them…"

A choked sob sounded at the other line, and Al stopped for a minute.

"He told them about Scar and his plan for the Philosopher's Stone," he continued again, "When nobody believed him and continued to move forward, he had no choice but to make a barrier, blocking the military unit from the city. Just then, Scar activated the stone and the city exploded with a bloodred color. Luckily, we were all safe because of the large barrier that Brother was putting his last ounce of energy into."

"Scar…" Winry whispered, wiping a trail of tear off her cheek. For some reason, the name sounded familiar yet so distant. Or was it because her brain was too numb with pain to think straight?

"Of course, when it was all over, Scar lost his right arm," Al went on, "Brother put down the barrier and the shocked military units advanced forward slowly into the piece of barren Earth that used to be Lior. Scar was lying there, with his right arm missing. His chance of survival looked really low. The Philosopher's Stone was nowhere to be found, though. The unconscious body of the Cobalt Alchemist was gone as well, and we all assumed he was used as part of the stone's ingredient. Still, investigations are being made by the Investigation Department. As for Brother…"

Winry swallowed heavily as Al took a longer pause.

"As for Brother," Al began, his voice suddenly echoed hollowly, as if he was trying hard to tell the story with the least emotions portrayed possible, "After he pulled down the barrier, his energy was all spent. He shouldn't have done so in the first place because his body was already abused with all the fighting, injuries, and exhaustion. But he didn't listen to me, of course. At that moment, he simply stared at me. It was scary, Winry. His expression almost portrayed happiness, but at the same time, it was almost…regretful. But then, I didn't have too much time to observe him because he was in dire need of medical care.

"He simply collapsed. I caught him and let him lie in my arms…"

At that, Winry's mind began to whirl out of focus as the image of the night of four years ago came back to her. The rain was pouring mercilessly and Al suddenly appeared at her doorstep like the demon that emerged out of the night. In his arms was the fragile body of the childhood friend that she grew to love. That night, she had thought nothing could scare her worse than this. And now, here she was, wrong.

"…ironically, for once, I was glad I couldn't feel,"

"Huh?" Winry asked, snapping back to reality and realizing Al was still talking to her.

"His blood, Winry," Al explained, thinking Winry didn't know what he was talking about, "His blood poured all over my armor and through my fingers. I don't want that feeling, Winry. It was terrible. Sitting in a sticky puddle of your only family's blood."

"I'm sorry…" she said, not knowing what else to say for a lump of fear was also forming at her throat.

"Brother had always been stubborn, hadn't he?" Al laughed hollowly, "He never listened. I screamed at him to hold on, and that he'll be at a hospital soon. But he wouldn't listen. The last thing out of his lips was an apology before he stopped breathing in my arms. But his eyes…Winry, his eyes refused to close, as if he regretted leaving this world and still wanted to look at it, even in death."

"Maybe…" Winry began, "Maybe it was you he was trying desperately to look at. Ed loves you, Al. And even in death, he never wanted to take his eyes off you."

"I shook him lightly at first, then harder…" Al continued, his voice breaking, "But then I realized it was time I let him go. And it was also time for him to let go. I told him I love him and we'll see each other again someday. Only then would he close his eyes after I ran my hand over his face."

"At least…" Winry suppressed a sob, "At least you had your chance to say those three words to him, Al."

"But I'm…" Al said, "But still, why couldn't I say it more straight out to him when he was alive?"

"He knew it all along, Al," Winry said softly, "There was no need. I mean, you were always looking out for him. But for me…"

"Brother loves you, Winry," Al blurted out suddenly, as if he felt that if he didn't say it now, there will be no other time.

"What?" she asked, surprised.

"He always talks…" he began, but suddenly stopped, "…always _talked_ about you to me, Winry. I can just tell."

"I-I never knew," her hands began to shake and the phone was threatening to slip out of her sweaty palm.

"Brother never tore his heart to the world," Al said, "He never laid his feelings out for any stranger to see. No, not just strangers, even family."

"Oh, damn," Winry began sobbing harder, no longer able to control her tears, "He was…he had…"

Al waited patiently for Winry to calm down.

"That shrimp!" Winry shouted, her voice was mixed between anger and sadness, "That shrimp had so much in front of him! He had many people waiting and supporting him. How could he do this?"

Her hand tightened around the phone, afraid she might drop it. Slowly, her palm began to ache from the unbearable grip.

"Now the pipsqueak will never grow…" Winry said, her voice slowing down to a dull, aching whisper, "…He will always be a shrimp now, won't he?"

There was a long silence between them, as if both of them were waiting for Ed to rise from the dead and get upset over him being called short. When nothing happened, Winry let out another choked sob.

"Winry…" Al began, though he really did not know what to say.

"Al," Winry said softly, "Please, promise me something."

"Anything," Al said without hesitation.

"Please," she began, "Please, if you're going to travel, please take care of yourself. I-I can't stand losing you, too, Al."

"Winry," Al whispered, then replied quickly, "Of course. I won't die, Winry. Nothing will happen to me until I can find a way to help Brother."

"And please don't do anything unreasonable, either," Winry said firmly, "Like giving up your life to bring him. I-I know that as much I want him to be alive, he wouldn't want you to die for him and he'll just reverse the process again, Al."

"I know that, too, Winry," Al relied, "I will find another way for Brother, I promise."

"And…" she said quickly, before he could say the word of farewell, "…Remember to come back sometime."

There was a long pause.

"Of course, Winry," Al replied finally, his tone heavy as if uncertainty had taken a dwelling in his throat.

There was another pause.

"Winry," Al said slowly, "I-I also have a favor to ask of you."

"Yes, go ahead," she said.

"B-Brother's body," he stuttered, his voice quivered, "Brother's body will be sent back to Rizenbul."

"I see," she nodded, immediately understanding why.

"Please, Winry," he asked, "Can you take care of the funeral service for Brother? I know he would want to be buried next to Mom."

"I-I know," she nodded again, though he could not see.

"I'm sorry I won't be there," he said timidly.

"It's quite all right," she shook her head slowly, "It's quite all right. Me and Granny will mourn twice as hard to make up for you."

There was an uncomfortable pause. Perhaps Winry's comment was meant to be funny. However, they both knew nothing will make up for Al's absence, and therefore, nothing was funny.

"Good bye, Winry," Al said at last, his tone slightly rushed.

"A-Al," Winry said quickly.

"Yeah?"

"Good luck," she said gently, "And good bye."

"Thank you, Winry," he said, his tone had also turned soft and quiet.

They both gripped the phone tightly, neither wanted to hang up just yet. Then suddenly, Winry breathed in sharply to suppress more tears and slammed the phone down on the receiver. Turning towards the window, she bit her lower lip hard as the tears began to pour like river despite her effort. Outside her window, a couple of bluebirds were singing atop a tree branch. For them, the world was still a vast blue sky with happiness awaiting.

Collapsing onto her chair, Winry did nothing but to stare forward at the innocent bluebirds and let her tears flow.


	5. Returnable Memories

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist…If I do, Edo would sooooooooo be mine!

Heart of Metal

Chapter 4

Returnable Memories

"Brother…why…?"

The dawn has long since passed but Al had still not yet find it in him to remove himself from the pile of memories before him. Over the distance, the first rays of the morning sun were already peeking through the opened window of the spare room in the military's dormitory. Colonel Mustang had been kind enough to let him alone, undisturbed for almost the entire day yesterday. And because of that, Al had sat and found more in their suitcase than he had imagined. Such as, for example, he had never expected his brother to be carrying a stack of pictures of their childhood. Though one was missing, the one of the brothers when they had made their first successful catch, the stack was still enough to gnaw at Al's invisible heart.

He shifted once more, folding neatly his brother's extra set of clothes, the black shirt, pants, and red coat. He had always carried this extra set in case they should get stuck in a furious rain, or his brother should fall down a river, or…or his clothes should get stained with blood. At the thought again, Al broke down burying his metal face into his metal hands again. There were no real tears, but there were enough to drown himself in his own flowing emotions.

When he had once more calmed himself down, his fingers brushed against the stack of photos again. Slowly, he randomly picked one up.

"Brother…?"

It was perhaps one of the most painful pictures yet. The four of their family were still together, holding onto each other and smiling contently. Suddenly, he began to wonder what they were content about? Was it about life? Was it about the way they live? Or was it simply because they had each other? If that's true, then what is Al's reason to be happy anymore? There was no one else. Slowly, everyone was being taken away from this world. His brother had been the last one. But still, the thought was still too impossible to accept. His brother had always been so strong, so…invincible…In fact, he was so strong that he was always the one to do everything for Al, including the one to make them up after every argument and fight.

_Little Al sat by himself at the edge of the river, staring forward the glowing horizon. Sunsets were supposed to be peaceful. Sunsets were supposed to be romantic. At least, his mother had always told him so. Day after day, he noticed that she would always sit and stare at the departing sun, as if she was expecting someone to come walking out from the heart of the golden light._

"_This sucks…" he said to himself._

_Sunsets were supposed to be beautiful. But yet, he felt nothing but frustration and anger as he continued to stare into the heart of the horizon. His brother was so insensitive. He was so heartless. Al knew what their mom was always waiting for. He knew she was waiting for father. And yet, his brother always got mad when Al brought the subject up. Al had been the kinder one, the more compassionate one. He had always wanted to talk to his brother about a way to get father back, but yet, they would end up with a fight every time. He just didn't get it._

_Suddenly, he felt footsteps behind him and he quickly turned around._

"_Hey, Al," his brother spoke, his voice strangely hollow and heavy._

_Now, he would not hate his brother for anything in the world. But back then, there was a strange feeling that closely resembled hate as he stood up and got on the offensive with his fists in front of him. He didn't understand his brother, and he felt as if he was alone in this world. Only he could understand the pain mom was going through for father._

"_Come on," his brother said, turning around slowly, "Let's go."_

_Surprised, Al let his fists fall at his sides again. Unknowingly, a smile crossed his lips as he took off after his brother. Perhaps his brother had opened his eyes to the truth at last and now they would have a chance to talk about father. With that eager thought in mind, Al continued to catch up with the small but fast-moving figure before him._

Al almost laughed at the memory. It was almost too late when Al had learned of his brother's true nature, the nature that could more or less kill him. He learned that his brother always kept things inside, and what always came out of his mouth were always more or less a masked expression. If he said "I'm fine, really", it would most likely arouse suspicion from Al that it actually meant "I feel like crap, but I don't want to worry you". Al knew now that back then, his brother had also thought about the matter of their father just as Al did, but he always acted so defiant and stubborn because he wanted Al to drop the subject. He did not want Al to be thinking about something like that just as he was. Typical Brother. He always wanted to carry the world by himself.

"Stupid brother," he muttered, tucking the photo away.

Leaning down, and forcing himself not to look at the pictures anymore, he squeezed them at the corner of the suitcase. Then afterwards, he could put his brother's extra set of clothes over them. The extra set of clothes, though his brother was no longer here to wear them, he was still reluctant to throw them away. Perhaps it was the only thing left in this world that he had of his brother.

He picked up the set of black and red clothes and tucked them inside the suitcase, over the stack of pictures that conjured sweetly painful memories. Suddenly, as the red coat slipped out of his metal fingers, another picture slipped out, seemingly from the coat pocket. Al hurriedly set down the clothes in the suitcase and turned to pick up the fallen picture. He gasped slightly. It was the missing one. It was the one of them at their first catch.

"Did…Brother always keep this?" he questioned aloud, staring absently at the smiling faces of their past.

"_Hey, Al, look at this big one!"_

"_Oh, wow, Brother, you're so good! Can you teach me?"_

"_Haha, no can do, Al, you gotta learn on your own,"_

"_How? It's so hard."_

"_No, it's not. Look, all you gotta do is relax and let the flow of the river take you."_

"_Huh?"_

"_It's like alchemy, Al. You just gotta adjust and fit with the flow."_

"_I-I'll try,"_

Putting a hand to his face of metal as if he could wipe an unseen tear, he quickly tucked the picture back inside the pocket of the red coat again. Then, with haste, he snapped shut the suitcase, sealing away the tearful memories for the moment in time. Standing up and picking up the suitcase, Al turned towards the opened window one more time, then slowly walked through the door to exit the room. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, he came face to face with Lieutenant Havoc.

"L-Lieutenant?" he stuttered.

"Hey, there, Al," Havoc said, as if his cheerful mask could cover away that he had been waiting there for the entire night, "How are you this morning, kid?"

"I—" Al began.

"I'm sorry about what happened," Havoc said, though he had said it before. But now, his lame mind still couldn't find what else to say.

"Everybody's sorry," Al said indifferently.

"Yeah," Havoc scratched his hair, "Sorry. I really don't know what to say."

"Have you been here all night?" Al asked.

"Yeah," Havoc said straight out without hesitation, "Colonel asked me to. But to tell the truth, I was worried about you, too."

"No need to," Al shook his head, "I'm OK."

"Hey," Havoc said, "The fact that you're an Elric means you must have that side of your brother. That side that always refuses others' help. So we gotta always look out for you from now, you know."

"Thanks a lot, but…"

"No but," Havoc said, his eyes averting to the suitcase, "Going somewhere?"

At this, Al nearly broke down and cried again. Perhaps he had. And he was thankful for the fact that he could not cry real tears.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Havoc said quickly.

"No," Al shook his head, "I have to, anyways. And I'll also let Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye know."

"They're already in their office," Havoc said, "I bet you out of all people would be welcomed right now."

"Thanks, Lieutenant Havoc," Al nodded in a short bow as he started down the hallway towards the Colonel's office.

The wooden door creaked slightly, and immediately, Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye looked up from what they were doing. Strangely, Mustang immediately abandoned his paperwork and sat with his fingers folded, as if waiting for Al to come all the way in.

"H-Hello, Colonel," Al said nervously, unsure of the sudden attention.

"You're planning to travel again, are you not?" Mustang asked, his tone quick and calm, as if he had planned to ask Al this before he came.

"Well, that was short and quick," Al said, embarrassed, "Saved me some explaining."

"I'm afraid not," Mustang said, standing up, "It didn't."

"Alphonse," Hawkeye began, "You are going to have to tell us how you're planning to travel again alone like this."

"I really have no choice," Al shook his head.

"You really love your brother, don't you?" Mustang said lamely, and Al didn't answer. It was not even a subject to discuss in the first place. There was only, and always will be, one and one answer only.

"Yes, I do," Al muttered under his breath as last, "He will do anything for me, and now it's my turn. I'm not giving up. At least, I won't sit still and continue living without him. I have to at least _try _to get him back."

"Need I not remind you of you guys' first failure?" Mustang said.

Al nearly wanted to grit his teeth had he had them. Already, he could feel his brother's blood boil in him. Inwardly, he smiled. Maybe he and his brother were so close they were really connected at heart. He had always thought it was always some lame saying to make a person feel better when the person loses someone dear. But now, Al was only beginning to understand the other side of it.

"You're an Elric," Mustang continued, "And I'm not going to stop you 'cuz there's no way how. But at least, Al, tell me how you're going to do this all alone?"

"Are you going to tell me that I am not all alone?" Al asked.

"Is it an obviously thing?" Hawkeye said gently, her tone greatly contrasted that of Mustang's.

"Both you and Ed never were alone," Mustang said sternly, "And since your brother was foolish enough to take actions by himself all the time, I'd hate to see you end up with the same fate just because you refuse help like your brother did."

The room fell silent, as if someone had thrown a drape of quietude upon them. Hawkeye looked nervously at Al, then at Mustang, as if she wanted to speak something.

"I should be leaving, sir," Al bowed slightly, then proceeded quickly for the door.

"W-Wait!" Hawkeye responded immediately. She quickly caught hold of his metal arm.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant," Al said, "But I have to leave now…or I'll miss the train to Moonette."

"Wait, Alphonse, please," Hawkeye said, eyeing Mustang dangerously, "I believe the Colonel has something to _rephrase_ to you."

Mustang cocked an eyebrow at her, as if asking if she was serious. After receiving another glare, he sighed and stepped toward Al.

"Look, Alphonse," he began, "I didn't mean it that way. Of course I feel bad for what happened to you. In fact, I know you won't believe me, but I've always tried to look after your brother when he was alive."

"I believe you, Colonel," Al said without hesitation, "And I think Brother knew it, too."

"It was never like him to accept help, wasn't it?" Mustang grinned crookedly.

"What's done is done," Al said, shaking his head, "Talking about him won't bring him back, Colonel."

"I know," Mustang said, "I know, but I'll admit it. I feel responsible for your Brother's death, Alphonse. And I blame myself because I wasn't able to help him even though he didn't want it. So now…"

"Now he wants to protect you, Alphonse," Hawkeye said, saving him from the awkward speech, "He doesn't want to see another Elric slip away before his eyes when there was something he could do."

Once more, silence draped the air. And once more, Mustang thought Al was going to walk out on him again.

"I believe you, Colonel," Al spoke at last, though his voice was void of the confidence and belief that it should have.

"I know you'll do anything for him, Alphonse," Mustang spoke after a short second, "But I ask of you, let us in of what you're planning, too, so we may know of how to help you."

"I don't know what to say, Colonel…" Al responded meekly, "…Lieutenant."

"Don't worry about that," Hawkeye smiled warmly, then looked over at Mustang, "So…Moonette, eh?"

"It's quite far from here," Mustang commented, "A train ride would have to take roughly a week. And you have to switch train at least three times."

"It's OK," Al shook his head, "I know what I'm doing."

"Of course you do," Hawkeye said, "We don't doubt you. We just like to help. Do you want any of us, Falman, Havoc, Fuery, anbody, to accompany you?"

"I really do hate to turn down your kind offer, Lieutenant," Al said, "But I have to. I can't drag anybody in this anymore. I've chosen to do this for Brother. And for once, I want to prove that I myself can do something for Brother, after all he'd done for me."

"Well, tell me," Mustang said, "What's in Moonette?"

"It's a start," Al explained, "Since I've heard countless rumors about the high interest of forbidden alchemy over there."

"High interest?" Hawkeye asked.

"_Forbidden_?" Mustang frowned.

"You know," Al said, "The kind that goes against the flow of nature. Those who attempt it will always be punished."

"I know what it is," Mustang said, "What puzzles me is why you're still seeking that after what happened."

"I'm not," Al said quietly, "I'm just going to se the viewpoints of those who want to try. I'm going to see how much loss they had to go through to drive them to do so."

"How would understanding that help?" Hawkeye asked.

"It doesn't," Al said, "But it will make me see clearer, perhaps, that human transmutation goes against all that we believe in, and if I was to try it, Brother would have every right to hate me."

"See clearer?" Hawkeye asked, "So you're actually considering human transmutation?"

"Y-Yes," Al said, almost shamefully, "I know that it's coming out of my mouth that I won't do it, but in my mind, it's a still a hazy fog about why I should not."

"You do remember what happened to you two," Mustang said.

"I do!" Al responded with frustration, "I do. I-I just can't remember the pain anymore, I guess. I'm wondering to myself now that if the pain I had gone through years ago was worth it again, if I can see Brother again."

"Alphonse," Hawkeye began.

"Don't worry," he shook his head, "I won't do it. My heart is wondering why, but my right mind knows what's wrong and what's not. Don't worry."

"But…" Hawkeye protested.

"Let him go, Riza," Mustang said, and Hawkeye turned slightly with surprise at the use of her first name, "He's a smart boy."

Hawkeye looked at him, then at Al again with uncertainty. The, she bit her lower lip and nodded.

"After all," Mustang added, "He's an Elric."

"Right," Hawkeye nodded, then looked at Al again, "You should be on your way, Alphonse."

"Yeah," Mustang said, "We'll trust you to go alone. But whenever you need, I'll be a snap away."

"And I'll be a gunshot away," she jumped in.

"Y-Yes," Al said politely. And quickly, he turned to leave, as if staying behind further will damage his already firm decision to depart.

By the time he reached the gate of the Headquarters, something from within him was beginning to feel heavy.

_Returnable memories…they're beginning to hurt._

_-_

"_Brother, when I was born, was I small and soft like that?"_

"_What are you talking about? Of course you were!"_

_-_

"_I'm sorry, Al, do you hate me for what happened?"_

"_Brother…I could-I could never hate you!"_

_-_

"_Is he with you, too?"_

"_No, he's just someone I met on the train, he has nothing to do with me!"_

_-_

"_Al, your cold metal feel just like an ice pack,"_

"_I'm glad I could be of some comfort to you, Brother, even in this body,"_

_-_

"_Brother, where are you going?"_

"_I'm going to fight them all, Al, so you don't have to do anything anymore,"_

"_How about I use alchemy to help you?"_

"_NO! I mean…we don't know what can happen, and I-I don't want to take that risk."_

_-_

As the memories washed over him again like a waterfall, his hand gripped tighter onto the suitcase, and raised his head towards the sky, as high as he could, as if wanting to touch the tranquility of the heaven above.

He was going to journey again for the answer, the answer to this unfairness that he was drowned in.

_Brother, this is for you…_


End file.
